Thursday of the Fourth Week of Lent - March 23, 2023

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Exodus 32:7-14 John 5:31-47

The year 2020 was a tumultuous year for our family. Over the course of my journey, I felt tremendous shame for my past words and actions. For months, I punished myself and felt unworthy of forgiveness- people’s or God’s. Through prayer and meditation, I discovered that my unwillingness to forgive myself was selfish. In a way, I was playing God. If God, the Creator of Heaven and earth, could deliver me from personal ruin and forgive me, then what was blocking me from forgiving myself? The answers were self-will and a lack of faith.

Although I still struggle with grace at times, God’s love allows me to embrace progress instead of perfection. In Exodus 32:7-14, God demonstrates His own progress. The Israelites violate a commandment and anger God. God reacts instead of responding. He is passionate about “Moses’ people” and demands punishment. He wants the Israelites to pay for their sins. Moses, undeterred by God’s anger, reasons with God. Moses appeals to God’s faithfulness and reminds Him that all people are God’s people. In the end, God relents and forgives His people.

Like the Israelites, I believe that God also forgives me and wants me to live happily, joyously, and freely. In order to do that, I have to be willing to let go of resentments and be open to forgiveness. That is how I can best do God’s will for me. If God can have compassion during a time of anger, why should I carry resentment towards myself, my family, my coworkers, or the slow driving in the left lane on the highway? My journey has taught me that I cannot do it alone. I have to have God’s help. It is my responsibility to seek a connection with God on a daily basis. On the days when prayer does not come easily, I simply say, “God, I need a little help. Please guide me to do your will today.” Only with His help can I truly forgive.

Q: What sin is weighing heavy on my heart today?

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