Wednesday of Holy Week - March 31, 2021

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In this passage, Judas trades Jesus’ life for thirty pieces of silver. He makes the decision that leads to the killing of Jesus. How could he have done it? After living with Jesus for three years, knowing the people who loved him so much, and being confronted about the choice at the Last Supper - how could he still go through with such a trade? He must have had to turn off his conscience – that small voice – in order to ignore the consequences of his actions and to forget about his love, trust, and compassion for Jesus.

Unfortunately, I can understand what happened to Judas because I have felt myself sliding down a similar path. It is so difficult to listen to that small voice in your heart that reflects Jesus’ teachings; to constantly consider your actions and how they impact others; to recognize what I have been blessed with and what other less fortunate people may need. It is so much easier to skip that volunteer opportunity, to gossip with friends, to maintain a onesided view in an argument, or to jump into the hole of self-pity. Every time I pass on volunteering when I know I have a day of TV and snacks ahead of me, or when I walk past a donation box knowing I will probably purchase a five-dollar latte later that day, I have to ignore my principles to avoid the guilt that would otherwise plague my decision-making. Those little decisions ruin me because I know that once I shut down that inner voice, it is easier for me to slide into something worse in the future. Lately, I have noticed increasing negativity in myself, and my goal this Lent is to go back in and turn those little pieces of my conscience back on. Judas never made the effort to change. He made a few slips, and he ended up sliding down the entire hill. Judas’ example pushes me to be better.

Q: When have I ignored the quiet voice of my conscience this Lent? What practices can I implement in my spiritual life and daily routine to hear and heed that voice?

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