Thursday of the Fourth Week of Lent - March 26

Exodus 32:7-14 John 5:31-47

“I see how stiff-necked this people is, said the Lord to Moses.”

This phrase always stands out to me. It is a reminder to trust God! My type A personality that likes to plan, start projects and organize things makes me feel like I alone am in charge of my life and future. That’s just my own arrogance and pride. My “stiff neck” does not allow me to look up to God in
heaven and REST in the knowledge that God’s got this!

When my 5 children were young, I was “large and in charge” of the direction of my family. We very abruptly were faced with the most challenging time of our lives. My kind, funny and wonderful husband suffered some kind of mental breakdown with severe depression (to this day I still, unsuccessfully, try to give a name to what exactly happened). Our divorce, and later the suicide of this sweet man caused many sleepless nights of trying to reason and plan our path back to a happy family. During this time I was given the advice to talk to an empty chair as if Jesus is right there. Not only did I talk, I climbed into and curled up on that chair, cried for what seemed like forever and fell asleep. That was one of the most peaceful moments of my life. I stopped being ‘stiff-necked,” thinking I was in charge of fixing everything! Christ gave me peace in that moment and allowed me to realize that I will never be able to understand the mysteries, both the highs and lows, of my life.

Jump to present day and my grown family (all in their 20s) gathers often. We are very close, loving and joyful when we get together; we keep an eye out for one another and truly have each other’s backs. Blessings do abound, even through or perhaps because of, challenges! When I rely on God, and not my “stiff-necked” desire to control, I experience both joy and peace.

Q: How do I talk to Jesus in both the highs and lows of my life? When do I choose my stiff-necked desire to control over trusting in God?

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